Moho Forum

slowtiger wrote:

I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are.

Mind you, I definitely know this feeling - having a project going on for years now myself. Two months ago I had a really useful meeting with a playwright. I noticed it helped me a lot to be forced to explain the premise of my film in only some short sentences. And of course all of his feedback was equally helpful.

There are several places in the web where famous films are explained in just one sentence or two. Have a look at these, and then try to do the same with your project. If you're unable to do that, then you might be in danger of having not enough focus in your story.

(For fun: Cameron's "Avatar" has not, uhm, the most original of stories. See here where he might got "inspired" by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/0 ... 10538.html - and notice how clearly a whole film can be described in just one parapraph.)

Have you ever put together a production team on any of your projects? I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get a pilot together and pitch this. have you ever worked with agents? Id like to see your work, and know more about your own projects. Thanks Bro!

Wow, this project looks really cool. I want to give you some specific feedback because I would love to see this project succeed. But keep in mind that I'm a beginner hobbyist and I may not know what I'm talking about.

The fact that you have worked with these characters in comic form comes through in your animation style. Your drawings are great and you have strong dynamic poses. I thought your most engaging shots emphasized the poses and the artwork. I'm speaking specifically of:

8-12 sec -- Eve's eyes
20-22 sec -- begining of sword fight
30-33 sec -- Eve in the air and then cutting enemy
51-53 sec -- green character with tongue (very memorable!)

The area where you can improve is in the movements of the characters and objects. For example, Eve sometimes moves her sword in a slow and wobbly way. In those places the timing feels unnatural. Plus, the slowness is fighting the overall pace of your animation. If all of the movements were tight and directed (like the ones listed above), it would create a more cohesive feel.

I do want to add that I think your opening shots are selling your work short. There are some problems with the animation there that will influence your audience's first impression. Mainly, the sword looks like it's kind of drifting without purpose. I think it would look better to keep the sword still and only show the cloak waving. But the cloak animation may need refining to move more like cloth, particularly as it falls toward the camera. And lastly, Eve's name sliding on the screen doesn't work for me. It has a slow smooth movement which interrupts the sense of anticipation before the action starts.

So in my opinion, your project looks really good. It's just a matter of taking the animation work/movements to the next level.

lwaxana wrote:Wow, this project looks really cool. I want to give you some specific feedback because I would love to see this project succeed. But keep in mind that I'm a beginner hobbyist and I may not know what I'm talking about.

The fact that you have worked with these characters in comic form comes through in your animation style. Your drawings are great and you have strong dynamic poses. I thought your most engaging shots emphasized the poses and the artwork. I'm speaking specifically of:

8-12 sec -- Eve's eyes
20-22 sec -- begining of sword fight
30-33 sec -- Eve in the air and then cutting enemy
51-53 sec -- green character with tongue (very memorable!)

The area where you can improve is in the movements of the characters and objects. For example, Eve sometimes moves her sword in a slow and wobbly way. In those places the timing feels unnatural. Plus, the slowness is fighting the overall pace of your animation. If all of the movements were tight and directed (like the ones listed above), it would create a more cohesive feel.

I do want to add that I think your opening shots are selling your work short. There are some problems with the animation there that will influence your audience's first impression. Mainly, the sword looks like it's kind of drifting without purpose. I think it would look better to keep the sword still and only show the cloak waving. But the cloak animation may need refining to move more like cloth, particularly as it falls toward the camera. And lastly, Eve's name sliding on the screen doesn't work for me. It has a slow smooth movement which interrupts the sense of anticipation before the action starts.

So in my opinion, your project looks really good. It's just a matter of taking the animation work/movements to the next level.

I appreciate that, all good suggestions, and I will consider this when I do a re edit. I love the detail you put in your suggestion very helpfull, and I hope you continue to follow the progress of my project. Its funny how the very things you mentioned were concerns I had, Which shows that you are looking at animation with a conection to the material. I really appreciate that you gave postive coments as well. Sinerely Mars

neomarz1 wrote:

jose1984alberto wrote:look more like a really well done animatic than a finished animation

How so?

well, cus for me its kind of stiff to consider it a finished animation, i've seen really well finished animatics that have that look, maybe not so detailed...

you might just wanna make some more inbetweens, thats it...

jose1984alberto wrote:

neomarz1 wrote:

jose1984alberto wrote:look more like a really well done animatic than a finished animation

How so?

well, cus for me its kind of stiff to consider it a finished animation, i've seen really well finished animatics that have that look, maybe not so detailed...

you might just wanna make some more inbetweens, thats it...

Well Im going to try and work out the animations a bit more. I am working on the over all look and detail of the series. I am used to frame by frame animation, so adapting to anime studeo is something I will have to adapt to.

ok, well, dont think im a pro, its just my point of view, as a matter of fact, your stuff is better than anything i've ever done...

Well struggling with the opening scene. The Dialogue is a bit long, so Im gonna edit it down. As soon as I get the scene done Ill post it, This will clue everyone in on what the plot is about. Keep checking out my you tube channel for updates. Marzout

O.k. Here is the opening for the pilot episode. not finished but close.

http://www.youtube.com/v/TSCptIWY-_U&hl=en_US&fs=1

O.k. Here is the opening for the pilot episode. not finished but close.

http://www.youtube.com/v/TSCptIWY-_U&hl=en_US&fs=1

that was pretty awesome. definitely makes you want to see the rest.

O.k. here is a promo shot of my Cerabane character. He is a general in the Tupaul's Kuzaut army. Check out other stuff on my channel as well.
Marz out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LogW6B-udXM

The designs and color choices are really good. I like that "war torn" shot.

spoooze! wrote:The designs and color choices are really good. I like that "war torn" shot.

Thanks Bro. Um yeah I like that one alot myself. I got more coming out that looks cool.

O.k. Here are two scenes. Simple Galaxy, and a planeet animation. Not sure where Im going to use this. Kind of a stock thing I guess, but I may use it in "In the beginning" Scene for my series.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=793KRvDkrIs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh132Dmq5as

O.k. I recently put up A Character test for my character "Leaf", She is Haley's partner. Basically ive been rigging characters, and have put a hold on the story progression. Trying to get everything lined up for the stories to come. Marzout

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz-xTnA7A_Q



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LogW6B-udXM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSCptIWY-_U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd_QhmA09C0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh132Dmq5as

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=793KRvDkrIs