New Series I'm Working on.
Moderators: Víctor Paredes, Belgarath, slowtiger
New Series I'm Working on.
Im trying to produce a series, and putting a pilot together. This opening scene is my first shot at putting something together for this show. Music and sound effects are my own creation. Any how hope you all like what you see. its tough putting a show together by yourself. somewhere down the line im going to get more people involved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd_QhmA09C0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd_QhmA09C0
There's a lot of eye candy for the designs and decent artwork competent soundtrack but there is little story and no characters you want to root for. Perhaps it will be part of a later sequence. If I was a producer would not be sold on the idea... so far.
I'm on the same path I want to put together a short in order to get interest in my story. One thing is for sure, you can't work alone you need a second pair of eyes someone to give constructive criticism.
I'm on the same path I want to put together a short in order to get interest in my story. One thing is for sure, you can't work alone you need a second pair of eyes someone to give constructive criticism.
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Yeah I appreciate that. Basically I scored the soundtrack and worked the animation out around it. I really was limited by the time factor of the track. I know its very short, but most openings are very quick, and its hard to get the point across in such a short clip. The story is very complex, and im not sure how to sell characters in a short segment. later I plan something better as I have stock footage to pull from. Thankssuper8mm wrote:There's a lot of eye candy for the designs and decent artwork competent soundtrack but there is little story and no characters you want to root for. Perhaps it will be part of a later sequence. If I was a producer would not be sold on the idea... so far.
I'm on the same path I want to put together a short in order to get interest in my story. One thing is for sure, you can't work alone you need a second pair of eyes someone to give constructive criticism.
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OK, it's pretty fast and there's something going on. Other than that, I only noticed all the abbreviations and shortcuts used in most series. If this is representative, I'd expect just another series about cloaks and daggers. This style would be OK for a fighting sequence or a transition between main story points. But from a real opening sequence I expect more.
There's nothing really personal in it. If the girl is the main character, you should show her much more often. What's the story behind all that? A good opener at least indicates the background of the main characters and their relation to each other. She stands on a high building with a knife, but how did she get there? She wasn't born fully armed, right? Who is that robot guy, and why do they fight? Why hasn't the horse/hound been fed in ages? Where are they heading to?
A good opening puts lots of hints about motivation into each scene.
The design is so-so: the individual elements may look fine, but they don't blend into a whole. The action doesn't hide the general flatness and symmetry of the characters.
I'd see this rather as a first version than a finished pilot. You've proven that you can design and move things and edit it into something fast-paced. Now you should lean back and notice all the parts where it doesn't work. Start from scratch again. Draw a storyboad on paper, this time with emphasis on the overall feeling and drama. Write down the backstory and think of simple ways to depict it.
At http://pitchbibles.blogspot.com/ you can see some examples of pitch bibles (but no animation) which could give you an impression of how much work has gone into each of them.
There's nothing really personal in it. If the girl is the main character, you should show her much more often. What's the story behind all that? A good opener at least indicates the background of the main characters and their relation to each other. She stands on a high building with a knife, but how did she get there? She wasn't born fully armed, right? Who is that robot guy, and why do they fight? Why hasn't the horse/hound been fed in ages? Where are they heading to?
A good opening puts lots of hints about motivation into each scene.
The design is so-so: the individual elements may look fine, but they don't blend into a whole. The action doesn't hide the general flatness and symmetry of the characters.
I'd see this rather as a first version than a finished pilot. You've proven that you can design and move things and edit it into something fast-paced. Now you should lean back and notice all the parts where it doesn't work. Start from scratch again. Draw a storyboad on paper, this time with emphasis on the overall feeling and drama. Write down the backstory and think of simple ways to depict it.
At http://pitchbibles.blogspot.com/ you can see some examples of pitch bibles (but no animation) which could give you an impression of how much work has gone into each of them.
At http://pitchbibles.blogspot.com/ you can see some examples of pitch bibles (but no animation) which could give you an impression of how much work has gone into each of them.[/quote]I'd see this rather as a first version than a finished pilot. You've proven that you can design and move things and edit it into something fast-paced. Now you should lean back and notice all the parts where it doesn't work. Start from scratch again. Draw a storyboad on paper, this time with emphasis on the overall feeling and drama. Write down the backstory and think of simple ways to depict it.
These points are relative, I can see what your saying... its just that the series is very epic, and there are actually more characters that support the story than just Eve and Haleys. I will eventually rework the opening, as more material becomes available through my production. There isnt enough time to show how eve gets on top of the building, I think most people probably dont care how she got there. Why are they fighting? its way to complex to show in the opening. I guess I could have the robot attacking a baby, and eve attacks him. all what you are suggesting is fine, its just a bit much for now.
Anyhow Here is another scene im setting up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LThO9uJfd_A
Thanks again... Oh thats a great Link. Ill read it more later thanks.
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neeters_guy wrote:Nice work. Very close to commercial quality. Keep us posted on your progress.
I always learn something new when I read slowtiger's posts.
Yeah I can see how his information can help, and It helps to stimulate creative alternatives. The biggest problem I have is that I have been develping these characters for over 12 years, for comics and other projects. I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are. Slowtiger's comments are needed for me to at least be aware of this short coming.
Mind you, I definitely know this feeling - having a project going on for years now myself. Two months ago I had a really useful meeting with a playwright. I noticed it helped me a lot to be forced to explain the premise of my film in only some short sentences. And of course all of his feedback was equally helpful.I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are.
There are several places in the web where famous films are explained in just one sentence or two. Have a look at these, and then try to do the same with your project. If you're unable to do that, then you might be in danger of having not enough focus in your story.
(For fun: Cameron's "Avatar" has not, uhm, the most original of stories. See here where he might got "inspired" by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/0 ... 10538.html - and notice how clearly a whole film can be described in just one parapraph.)
I appreciate that. I have had trouble on other forums (For other projects), and had very bad advice. its caused alot of frustration, and my project has taken too many breaks, because of the destructive criticism I have gotten. Basically I am trying to push on, and at least get something together. I sincerely appreciate the help. This project has been the "Big" thing that I need to happen, so anyhow... I understand what your saying, and its good advice. Thanksslowtiger wrote:Mind you, I definitely know this feeling - having a project going on for years now myself. Two months ago I had a really useful meeting with a playwright. I noticed it helped me a lot to be forced to explain the premise of my film in only some short sentences. And of course all of his feedback was equally helpful.I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are.
There are several places in the web where famous films are explained in just one sentence or two. Have a look at these, and then try to do the same with your project. If you're unable to do that, then you might be in danger of having not enough focus in your story.
(For fun: Cameron's "Avatar" has not, uhm, the most original of stories. See here where he might got "inspired" by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/0 ... 10538.html - and notice how clearly a whole film can be described in just one parapraph.)
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