Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Want to share your Moho work? Post it here.

Moderators: Fahim, Distinct Sun, Víctor Paredes, erey, Belgarath, slowtiger

Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby Sketch_Turner » Sun Feb 18, 2018 10:09 pm

Guys, I've made a short clip that I'd like to show you. I mostly use Moho for little bits of animation here and there, but this one turned into a full-fledged mini-cartoon. It's supposed to make you chuckle. If it doesn't, please tell me: I genuinely want to know how successful my brand of humour is and how I can make it more effective.

It's not on Youtube, so I'll just leave a link: http://www.justaboutfun.com/video/Afterhours.mp4


I'd *really* like to hear some critique from you. You can make it as harsh as you want, I don't care. To get you started, here's some thoughts I can share on my own work.


Visual style: I'm not good at drawing, and also I wanted to utilize a "quick and dirty" style because I don't have that much free time on my hands, so I opted for something in the vein of South Park and Cyanide and Happiness (believe it or not, I only found out about asdfmovie after this cartoon was done). I hope all the background elements are easily readable.

Animation: Now that I think of it, the pace is probably a bit too slow. It should be more snappy, more energetic, but that's not an easy thing to fix, now that the thing is done. I'll just have to keep this in mind when working on future projects. Also, the running animation looks somewhat dull, and the tie is behaving weird. Definitely gonna work this over next time.

Music: I basically cobbled it on the fly, and the result was surprisingly easy on the ear, except for the drums. Yeah, the drums suck, but the song by and large gets the job done. I'll probably fix this part sometime soon, when I'm feeling less lazy.

Voiceover: I wanted to emulate South Park, but ended up with something out of the early 2000s Newgrounds. It lacks character. I'll probably have to find another approach to voicing my movies, but not sure how to go about it yet.
Sketch_Turner
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:53 pm

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby synthsin75 » Sun Feb 18, 2018 10:51 pm

I liked it overall. If you're going to stick with the black and white, I'd at least throw a grey over the background to help make the characters pop.
The cut to panning down the building didn't read well. Again, probably because there's no tonal separation between foreground and background.
- Wes
ImageImageImage
User avatar
synthsin75
 
Posts: 6596
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:20 pm
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby Greenlaw » Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:42 am

Wait, Is that about me? I totally identify with that situation. :wink:

That was fun. Thanks for sharing it.
Last edited by Greenlaw on Mon Feb 19, 2018 3:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Greenlaw
 
Posts: 3706
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2006 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby chucky » Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:00 am

Good gag. I liked it overall.
I agree with Synthsin76's points, (it wouldn't have to be a dark grey (especially for the day) just something subtle.
You could even Use a different tonal one colour does all.
Have a think about it you could have one colour for all the lines and one for all the tones. There are plenty of two colour schemes that could be great or even one.
Here's a One colour tonal scheme I did last week...just for an example, it's whackier of course ( and there area few extra variations)
but it might provoke some thought.
Image
A common colour you might want to try would be a range of teals.


You will find it will give you heaps more flexibility down the track.

Speaking of tracks, yep that voice though.
You may have to try a few goes try a lot of approaches.
It could be just very dry and 'dull' as long as it's recorded well.
It could be ott like piderman baman, it just needs whatever is most comfortable for you to perform , or get a voice actor?
Sequential offender.
my latest animations
User avatar
chucky
 
Posts: 3790
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 4:24 am
Location: Van Diemen's Land

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby synthsin75 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 2:50 am

chucky wrote: Image


That looks like the start of an interesting tarot deck.
The Prince of Eyes means "just because you're paranoid...doesn't mean there's not a squid reading your mind."
- Wes
ImageImageImage
User avatar
synthsin75
 
Posts: 6596
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:20 pm
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby chucky » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:23 am

synthsin75 wrote:That looks like the start of an interesting tarot deck.
The Prince of Eyes means "just because you're paranoid...doesn't mean there's not a squid reading your mind."



Lol , that's a beauty Wes. :lol:


It was for my Nephew's 21'st

But that's a great idea , the Tarot of Xoth.
Sequential offender.
my latest animations
User avatar
chucky
 
Posts: 3790
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 4:24 am
Location: Van Diemen's Land

Re: Please critique the sh*t out of this little animation

Postby synthsin75 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:02 am

chucky wrote:But that's a great idea , the Tarot of Xoth.

Ah, so that squid is Cthulhu. Explains the mind-reading. Knew I wasn't just paranoid.
- Wes
ImageImageImage
User avatar
synthsin75
 
Posts: 6596
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:20 pm
Location: Oklahoma


Return to Share Your Work

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest