It's Bo...the creature

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Little Yamori
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by Little Yamori » Mon Dec 16, 2013 3:11 am

Just some thoughts,

All criticism here is meant to be constructive. It's clear that you have a very good grasp of many features of the software, and you have some good techniques, but... The pacing of your story is extremely slow, I'd say about twice as long as it needs to be. I watched it to the end, as I felt if I was going to comment, I at least should do that, but it was difficult, and I kept looking at how much time was left. Don't get too caught up in what you can do, but what needs to keep the story moving. The spaceship chase-game in the beginning had some bright spots but also some drawbacks, as in a couple of scenes it was clear that the layer was very flat and just sized and stretched with no depth, you obviously have the ability to give it some dimension, but it was apparently lacking in a few instances in the beginning.

In my opinion (for what it's worth) work on the pacing first and foremost, and tighten up what you want the audience to see and take away from your work.

Good luck
jessica951
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by jessica951 » Mon Dec 16, 2013 3:47 am

Little Yamori wrote:Just some thoughts,

All criticism here is meant to be constructive. It's clear that you have a very good grasp of many features of the software, and you have some good techniques, but... The pacing of your story is extremely slow, I'd say about twice as long as it needs to be. I watched it to the end, as I felt if I was going to comment, I at least should do that, but it was difficult, and I kept looking at how much time was left. Don't get too caught up in what you can do, but what needs to keep the story moving. The spaceship chase-game in the beginning had some bright spots but also some drawbacks, as in a couple of scenes it was clear that the layer was very flat and just sized and stretched with no depth, you obviously have the ability to give it some dimension, but it was apparently lacking in a few instances in the beginning.

In my opinion (for what it's worth) work on the pacing first and foremost, and tighten up what you want the audience to see and take away from your work.

Good luck
Thanks I'll keep that in mind.
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lwaxana
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by lwaxana » Tue Dec 17, 2013 6:21 am

Awesome! The character designs and animation are great. Looking forward to the next episode!
Danimal
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by Danimal » Tue Dec 17, 2013 2:21 pm

Little Yamori wrote:The pacing of your story is extremely slow
This is being more than kind. I was three minutes in and gave up as absolutely nothing had happened yet.

It looks wonderful and the styles are fantastic and the particle effect after the whatever it is crashes looks incredible. However, there was no story, just a bunch of really nice looking stuff. If a story develops somewhere later, it's too late. Sorry about that.
~Danimal
jessica951
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by jessica951 » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:12 pm

Danimal wrote:
Little Yamori wrote:The pacing of your story is extremely slow
This is being more than kind. I was three minutes in and gave up as absolutely nothing had happened yet.

It looks wonderful and the styles are fantastic and the particle effect after the whatever it is crashes looks incredible. However, there was no story, just a bunch of really nice looking stuff. If a story develops somewhere later, it's too late. Sorry about that.
I wanted to keep it very open because I am still working on the story. This was mostly just an introduction to the characters. Next time I will have more of a story.
jessica951
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by jessica951 » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:20 pm

lwaxana wrote:Awesome! The character designs and animation are great. Looking forward to the next episode!
Thank you!
Little Yamori
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by Little Yamori » Wed Dec 18, 2013 4:55 am

Jessica,

I hope the feedback helps. I was pretty straight forward about what I thought because it was clear that you have the ability to put into your animation what you envision. Besides shortening the run time of some individual scenes, one example of something that added unnecessarily (imo)to the length was the creepy street person who says something like "this area's no place for someone like you" or something to that effect, but your visuals had already created that atmosphere without the need for building a new character just to say it. It just needs some editing, because the length (again, in my opinion) distracts from what you are able to do visually.
jessica951
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Re: It's Bo...the creature

Post by jessica951 » Wed Dec 18, 2013 9:27 pm

Little Yamori wrote:Jessica,

I hope the feedback helps. I was pretty straight forward about what I thought because it was clear that you have the ability to put into your animation what you envision. Besides shortening the run time of some individual scenes, one example of something that added unnecessarily (imo)to the length was the creepy street person who says something like "this area's no place for someone like you" or something to that effect, but your visuals had already created that atmosphere without the need for building a new character just to say it. It just needs some editing, because the length (again, in my opinion) distracts from what you are able to do visually.
Yes definitely. The feedback was very honest and helpful. I appreciate your input. Thanks again!
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