New Series I'm Working on.

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neomarz1
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New Series I'm Working on.

Post by neomarz1 » Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:08 pm

Im trying to produce a series, and putting a pilot together. This opening scene is my first shot at putting something together for this show. Music and sound effects are my own creation. Any how hope you all like what you see. its tough putting a show together by yourself. somewhere down the line im going to get more people involved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd_QhmA09C0
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super8mm
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Post by super8mm » Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:50 pm

There's a lot of eye candy for the designs and decent artwork competent soundtrack but there is little story and no characters you want to root for. Perhaps it will be part of a later sequence. If I was a producer would not be sold on the idea... so far.

I'm on the same path I want to put together a short in order to get interest in my story. One thing is for sure, you can't work alone you need a second pair of eyes someone to give constructive criticism.
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Post by LeeHasPencil » Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:25 am

Very impressive. Not my sort of genre, but it certainly looked a treat.

It's only the opening moments, I'm not sure how you could develop characters in such a short space. As an opener, it's fine, and somewhat engaging.

Well done, and good luck with the rest.
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neomarz1
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Post by neomarz1 » Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:30 am

super8mm wrote:There's a lot of eye candy for the designs and decent artwork competent soundtrack but there is little story and no characters you want to root for. Perhaps it will be part of a later sequence. If I was a producer would not be sold on the idea... so far.

I'm on the same path I want to put together a short in order to get interest in my story. One thing is for sure, you can't work alone you need a second pair of eyes someone to give constructive criticism.
Yeah I appreciate that. Basically I scored the soundtrack and worked the animation out around it. I really was limited by the time factor of the track. I know its very short, but most openings are very quick, and its hard to get the point across in such a short clip. The story is very complex, and im not sure how to sell characters in a short segment. later I plan something better as I have stock footage to pull from. Thanks
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Post by Acochran_89 » Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:25 pm

I thought this was very cool. If it's the opening "title sequence" then it's great. It grabbed my attention and kept me watching and made me want to watch whatever comes next
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neomarz1
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Post by neomarz1 » Mon Jan 04, 2010 3:54 pm

Acochran_89 wrote:I thought this was very cool. If it's the opening "title sequence" then it's great. It grabbed my attention and kept me watching and made me want to watch whatever comes next
Thats good. Kinda what I was hoping. Thanks for the comment
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Post by slowtiger » Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:09 pm

OK, it's pretty fast and there's something going on. Other than that, I only noticed all the abbreviations and shortcuts used in most series. If this is representative, I'd expect just another series about cloaks and daggers. This style would be OK for a fighting sequence or a transition between main story points. But from a real opening sequence I expect more.

There's nothing really personal in it. If the girl is the main character, you should show her much more often. What's the story behind all that? A good opener at least indicates the background of the main characters and their relation to each other. She stands on a high building with a knife, but how did she get there? She wasn't born fully armed, right? Who is that robot guy, and why do they fight? Why hasn't the horse/hound been fed in ages? Where are they heading to?

A good opening puts lots of hints about motivation into each scene.

The design is so-so: the individual elements may look fine, but they don't blend into a whole. The action doesn't hide the general flatness and symmetry of the characters.

I'd see this rather as a first version than a finished pilot. You've proven that you can design and move things and edit it into something fast-paced. Now you should lean back and notice all the parts where it doesn't work. Start from scratch again. Draw a storyboad on paper, this time with emphasis on the overall feeling and drama. Write down the backstory and think of simple ways to depict it.

At http://pitchbibles.blogspot.com/ you can see some examples of pitch bibles (but no animation) which could give you an impression of how much work has gone into each of them.
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super8mm
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Post by super8mm » Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:08 am

pitchbibles... Nice link! I shall investigate that one more profoundly.
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neomarz1
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Post by neomarz1 » Tue Jan 05, 2010 8:10 am

I'd see this rather as a first version than a finished pilot. You've proven that you can design and move things and edit it into something fast-paced. Now you should lean back and notice all the parts where it doesn't work. Start from scratch again. Draw a storyboad on paper, this time with emphasis on the overall feeling and drama. Write down the backstory and think of simple ways to depict it.
At http://pitchbibles.blogspot.com/ you can see some examples of pitch bibles (but no animation) which could give you an impression of how much work has gone into each of them.[/quote]
These points are relative, I can see what your saying... its just that the series is very epic, and there are actually more characters that support the story than just Eve and Haleys. I will eventually rework the opening, as more material becomes available through my production. There isnt enough time to show how eve gets on top of the building, I think most people probably dont care how she got there. Why are they fighting? its way to complex to show in the opening. I guess I could have the robot attacking a baby, and eve attacks him. all what you are suggesting is fine, its just a bit much for now.

Anyhow Here is another scene im setting up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LThO9uJfd_A

Thanks again... Oh thats a great Link. Ill read it more later thanks.
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Post by neeters_guy » Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:42 am

Nice work. Very close to commercial quality. Keep us posted on your progress.

I always learn something new when I read slowtiger's posts.
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Post by neomarz1 » Tue Jan 05, 2010 3:45 pm

neeters_guy wrote:Nice work. Very close to commercial quality. Keep us posted on your progress.

I always learn something new when I read slowtiger's posts.


Yeah I can see how his information can help, and It helps to stimulate creative alternatives. The biggest problem I have is that I have been develping these characters for over 12 years, for comics and other projects. I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are. Slowtiger's comments are needed for me to at least be aware of this short coming.
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Post by slowtiger » Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:47 pm

I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are.
Mind you, I definitely know this feeling - having a project going on for years now myself. Two months ago I had a really useful meeting with a playwright. I noticed it helped me a lot to be forced to explain the premise of my film in only some short sentences. And of course all of his feedback was equally helpful.

There are several places in the web where famous films are explained in just one sentence or two. Have a look at these, and then try to do the same with your project. If you're unable to do that, then you might be in danger of having not enough focus in your story.

(For fun: Cameron's "Avatar" has not, uhm, the most original of stories. See here where he might got "inspired" by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/0 ... 10538.html - and notice how clearly a whole film can be described in just one parapraph.)
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neomarz1
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Post by neomarz1 » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:21 am

slowtiger wrote:
I am so familiar with the characters myself, that I forget that no one else knows who they are.
Mind you, I definitely know this feeling - having a project going on for years now myself. Two months ago I had a really useful meeting with a playwright. I noticed it helped me a lot to be forced to explain the premise of my film in only some short sentences. And of course all of his feedback was equally helpful.

There are several places in the web where famous films are explained in just one sentence or two. Have a look at these, and then try to do the same with your project. If you're unable to do that, then you might be in danger of having not enough focus in your story.

(For fun: Cameron's "Avatar" has not, uhm, the most original of stories. See here where he might got "inspired" by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/0 ... 10538.html - and notice how clearly a whole film can be described in just one parapraph.)
I appreciate that. I have had trouble on other forums (For other projects), and had very bad advice. its caused alot of frustration, and my project has taken too many breaks, because of the destructive criticism I have gotten. Basically I am trying to push on, and at least get something together. I sincerely appreciate the help. This project has been the "Big" thing that I need to happen, so anyhow... I understand what your saying, and its good advice. Thanks
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Post by jose1984alberto » Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:31 am

look more like a really well done animatic than a finished animation
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neomarz1
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Post by neomarz1 » Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:25 pm

jose1984alberto wrote:look more like a really well done animatic than a finished animation
How so?
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